Over it yet?
Close your eyes…
Wait for a minute and let your mind settle.
Now think back to the moment you realized you might be LGB or T.
Recently my kid sister text me, based on her language, probably crying. She is a pre-teen. She first tested the ground with questions like, “Are you busy?”, and, “ I don’t think I can tell anyone else.” She was re-establishing the trust and safety she felt she needed to tell me a secret that riddled her with shame and confusion.
Next followed this text, “ I think I am Bi, I’m scared.”
The experience of finding out we are LGBT is very different for everyone, the one thing that is true of all of us is that for a moment, if not for years, we all think we, are the only one. Hell to be perfectly honest I had a hard time figuring out what went where. “There has to be more to this than dry humping and making out I thought.” Bring back any memories? Lol.
I had had steady girlfriends all through middle school and high school. I consider myself to have been lucky to have been a little older when I had to come to terms with my sexuality. That said, I will never forget the day my father told he would never speak to me again until I showed him a test results showing I was HIV negative.
Many of the young members of our community however figure things out much sooner. They begin to question the heterosexual norm that has been set for them in a framework that lacks the trust and safety that my kid sister sought from me before revealing what she imagined would be a terrifying fact to me.
Luckily for her, I was able to text back within seconds…”And I am gay, you have nothing to worry about.” Now given, this is not usually the case for our young LGBT members who reach out for answers and help. Given my sisters very young age I feel the most appropriate thing to do at this moment is simply nourish her confidence in being able to come to me as her sexuality and understanding of it develops.
The most critical thing I felt I needed to get across was this, “A lot of people, even those whom you love, might not be able to understand this. Not now, and maybe not ever. What I need you to do is learn to love yourself for who you are. The way I do. Be proud of who you are, the way I am of you.”
These stats can be found on the Trevor Project website along with an incredible amount of useful resources and information:
*For every completed suicide by a young person, it is estimated that 100 to 200 attempts are made (2003 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey).
*Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth are up to four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers (Massachusetts 2006 Youth Risk Survey). *Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth who come from a rejecting family are up to nine times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers (2007 San Francisco State University Chavez Center Institute).
For many of us, suicide hits very close to home. For any number of reasons, either we have found ourselves at the threshold this irreversible decision, or we know a loved one who has gone through with it. Perhaps even, some of us or our loved ones are still standing on that threshold. With that in mind, our teens, who are most susceptible, NEED US.
It is not our place to tell minors we suspect of being LGB or T that they might be members of our community. We can however, make it perfectly clear to them that in any event, thay can come to us. Provide that framework they require in such a delicate period of their lives. Please glance over thetrevorproject.org/info.aspx for warning signs.
For the most part, with our community remaining a minority, all we have is each other.
Loosing another on of our own…
Over it yet?
